Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize