is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize