Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
