i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
