lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
