Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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