I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
