some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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