Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
