I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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