So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
