I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
