"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize