i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
