my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize