My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
