dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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