Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
