Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
