I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
