Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
