I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
