she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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