If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
