Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
