that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
