dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize