we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They took my balls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
