My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
