i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
