I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
