i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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