I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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