This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize