I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
