she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
