I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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