There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
