happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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