I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
