actually, I'm a sock model
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize