i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
vagina is talking i cant
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
