At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
