Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
