Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
50% drunk capacity currently
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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