i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
