what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
