she woke up with a sticky ear
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
