his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
