I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
