I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
