well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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