Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize