nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize