I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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