i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
