I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Randomize
