And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
