I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
