I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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