Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
