Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
