PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
