so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
