I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
tell me about the fingering
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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