just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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